The REAL World (not that BS on MTV)

Ok, here's the situation as I understand it.

Most of the local hardcore gang leaders have been released from prison over the past three or four months. They received enough education to realize that 14-15 year-olds are treated differently by the criminal justice system, so that is where they are focusing their attention. My kids, who worship the gangsta lifestyle they see portrayed everywhere are quick to jump on board. As the kids come in every morning, I look out over a sea of red with small patches of blue. James is wearing a lot of red these days, and last week, Bill challenged him on a band-aid on the right side of his neck (apparently, that's something, too). I am sick over the things happening to these kids, especially James and his brother John.

We had a talk the other day, and I told him that I knew in the rest of his life he had to dress and act a certain way to survive, but in the school, I would not tolerate it. The red, while still prominent, has decreased a little.

There was a red/blue fight in our hallway last Friday, and I'm still bruised and sore. One positive note for me is that both sides like and respect me, so when I step in, I have less fear of being punched (not NO fear, but less). The difficulty for me lies in watching 50-something year-old Bill, rolling on the floor and finally overpowering two (yes, TWO) 16 year-olds. I was holding one kid in place, and couldn't help him for fear that my kid would jump back in. Nina actually did something---she blew her whistle! There was another male teacher on the floor with three other kids, and Ann held off one (until he plowed her down in an effort to jump back in). Six more were blocking the hall doors, keeping the police and administration out. Thank God none of them had weapons, although that is only a matter of time. I was pissed that the racist bastard of a shop teacher came down the hall, took my kid from me and pulled him outside. I was afraid he was going to hurt the kid, so I stood in the doors and watched until the principal came and took him away personally. This guy needs an ass beating in the worst way- he gleefully tells stories of slamming kids' heads into lockers when breaking up fights. He's a miserable fuck, and I'm glad he's retiring.

I have actually found that if I talk calmly about insignificant things, like asking their name and introducing myself, while also interjecting information like, "I'm proud of you; you're doing a great job of doing what I asked and waiting here", they calm down pretty quickly. The kid I worked with last week turns out to be James' cousin, which probably helped, but when the chaos moved toward us, he physically pulled me out of harm's way twice. As a woman, I have the disadvantage of being much smaller than most of the kids, but on the other hand, most were raised by their mothers, and are more respectful of women.

I wish I could sit down with these leaders and tell them about the kids whose lives they are destroying. I wish I could tell them that these kids have futures, and opportunities to make great improvements in the lives of everyone. One of my kids, Ty, is the most intelligent person I have ever met. He thinks on a higher level than I do, and it's a strain for me to follow some of his ideas. Before the end of each class yesterday, I gave the usual "be careful on spring break- don't do anything you couldn't look me in the eye and tell me about" speech. Ty hugged me on his way out, and said, "I might not see you again. You're my favorite teacher ever", and left. There's a huge war brewing in the neighborhoods, and we think it will begin while the schools are on break. Ty doesn't see anything for himself except a coffin or a prison cell. No one else recognizes his brilliance- they only see a hyperactive distraction. I've never had even one problem with him, but he's suspended all the time for his behavior. I worry about him, and James, and all of my other "angels", many of whom I don't even have in my classes, but I have gotten to know in the hallways.

I found out from my principal's secretary that when they were making decisions regarding rehires, GC went to the principal and told him that if he didn't keep me, he would be making a huge mistake. He said many wonderful things about me, for which I am really grateful. I respect GC, and know that he's not a man to throw flattery around; he says what he means and nothing more.

There have been several good things happen lately: James earned his first-ever A on a report card! He worked very hard in my class, and I'm really proud of him. One of my kids and I had a really good talk at lunch a couple of weeks ago, and I've seen a lot of progress in him since that time. The ignorant teacher on my team will not be back next year (although Krusty will...damn). After a lot of hard work on my part, our fundraising efforts for our field trip have earned enough to pay for our buses. I will admit that Krusty did help toward the end, but in this case, I will take most of the credit, because the rest of my team were freaking bricks. As my way of showing this, I wrote a memo detailing all of the preparations I had taken care of last weekend and gave a copy to each member of my team, as well as the principal. My rationale was that several members of my team had been absent, so I wanted to make sure we all knew what was done. Normally, I am not one to toot my own horn, but I'm tired of Krusty and the math teacher taking credit for things that I have done.

Ok, I think I'm going shopping for some new clothes; I usually wear browns and muted tones, but last week I wore a new shirt with bright colors, and EVERYONE told me how nice I looked that I guess it's time to update my wardrobe. (One of my kids even said, "If you weren't a teacher, you'd be hot", which I took as high praise). Please have a safe and happy holiday, and pray that all of my angels do, too.

To the two or three of you who still come by- hi, and thanks for your patience. A lot has happened, most of it too upsetting to blog about. On the bright side, I do have a job next year! I'm not positive I'll be in the same school, but the district wants me back. I guess that means that I have to try to do something with my house so I can sell it- I definitely want to move closer to work. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Excited for many reasons- not the least of which is that I'll be in town, where I can get food delivered to my door! Also, it's farther from my crazy family; always a plus. The scary part is that it's an unfamiliar city with a very high crime rate. I know I can find out which neighborhoods are safest, though.

There's a lot I want to say, but honestly, I'm too tired. I'll blog later- have a great day.

Dark Days

I walked out of my hallway to begin my morning duty, only to find that students were already in the building. Many were eating breakfast, but I felt drawn to the south end, where the boys who aren't eating wait for the bell so they can go to class (the girls are on the north end). I walked about 10 steps, when I was engulfed in an enormous group of boys- maybe 75-100. They were closing in at each other very quickly, and I knew something was up. I saw 3 other teachers (all women- one nearing retirement), and that was it. In my mind, I cursed everyone who wasn't at their duty, but didn't really start to worry. I began calmly asking boys to "move back, please". Someone told me to "shut the fuck up", and I knew we needed assistance because no one in the crowd even noticed. Three of us made a human chain in front of one of the skater kids, whom the rest seemed intent on ripping to shreds, while the older teacher used her cell phone to call the office and ask for help NOW.

The crowd moved in closer, and one of my worst nightmares began. We started physically trying to push the boys back, and about that time, I saw Bill and another male teacher join the scene. I was dragging one boy off another, when he turned around and tried to punch me. Fortunately, I moved quickly enough that all I felt was a strong breeze. I used his momentum to shove the back of his shoulder, and he spun, falling and disappearing into the crowd. I was vaguely aware of the commotion of fights all around me, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was get away. If I could have gotten through the crowd, I would have run like hell and not looked back. Being much shorter than most of them, escape was not an option.

I, along with Angie (another teacher), began trying to separate two boys, she led one off, and I put my hand on the other's shoulder, asking him to head to the office. He pulled back and made a fist as if to hit me, but must have thought better of it. He did tell me to fuck off, along with a string of other comments- all along the same line. I stepped back, and, noticing things dying down a little, asked Bill to keep an eye on him, as I was sure help was on it's way, because we had called almost 10 minutes ago. The kid went at Bill, and he told me to get the detective. I ran to the closest classroom, and pulled the cord for the callbox. I waited, and waited. Finally, I told the substitute that if anyone answered, to tell them we needed urgent assistance. I ran across the hall to my own room, and tried the callbox. Still no answer. In fact, a calm voice began making morning announcements.

Crying with fear and frustration, I ran for the office. Walking at a normal pace, it's about a 3 minute walk. It seemed much longer when I ran. I vaguely remember seeing some of my kids on the way, asking if I was alright. It seems that the rest of the school was oblivious to the chaos in the south wing. I ran into the office, and remember screaming that we needed help, where was the detective? Apparently, he was not at our school that day (we share him with 2 others). The secretaries seemed annoyed that I was there, and said they had sent both the principal and ass principal when we called. About that time, Bill wrestled the kid into the office, and said things were controlled in the south wing. Following him was the other male teacher (also nearing retirement) with two boys, and two female teachers (one smaller than me) each dragging one. We all stared accusingly at the secretaries and asked why our calls weren't answered. They said that the callboxes weren't working (yet, they could make announcements over those same boxes).

This was when both the principal and ass came in, visibly upset, and asked what was wrong. It seems that the secretary who had answered the call on the phone had sent them OUTSIDE. I told my principal that I loved my job and my kids, but if he could not get everyone out there on their morning duty, I was not going to do mine, either. He was so great (this is the real principal, not the ass), and walked me to my homeroom, who had taken attendance and were calmly waiting in their seats! He checked back later, apologizing for the mix-ups, and assuring me that either himself, the ass, or the detective would always be on duty from now on. I asked what procedures were going to be required from the office staff as far as answering the callboxes. He said that he would speak with them, whatever that means.

There were four more fights Thursday, and an incredibly negative vibe running through the school. There were two fights yesterday, and while the feeling was a little better, the energy was still dark. I feel like a giant dark cloud descended over us, and enveloped the school. Apparently, the skater kid whom we were trying to protect had made some white supremacy remarks, which sparked the whole thing. Again, hatred brings about violence.

I don't know what the answers are. All I know is that no matter how hard we try to change the world, it seems like the bad guys are still winning. I've been fighting the battle against racism and hatred for as long as I can remember, but nothing seems to be improving. I allow my students to choose their groups, and they nearly always divide themselves along color lines. The girls are more inclined to work with another race than the boys, but it's still a noticeable difference. So what is the answer? Do I allow them to segregate themselves? Do I continue making decisions about who will work with whom, and keep integrating groups? I am tired. Weary. Every muscle in my body hurts like hell, and I have bruises that I can't account for. My energy, every bit of it, is drained. It may be a little while before I post again.

Drunk & Disorderly

Please go ahead and read the previous post, and follow the directions.

As I have mentioned, our principal is a great guy. He's a little on the serious side, and pretty religious, all of which made this funnier at the time (ok, it's still funny, I'm laughing as I type). Yesterday, school let out at 11:15. Tsarina and a group of about 8 other teachers went to a local bar for lunch, and "refreshments". While there, we saw an equally large group of teachers from our rival, whom I'll call MF(you get it). I don't like most of the teachers I've met from MF, and apparently, we all feel the same. So, after a few shots and many beers, we decided that it would be hysterical to call our principal and tell him that we'd gotten into a fight with the MF people and had been arrested for drunk & disorderly conduct. Ann called him, as we all got silent (ok, I had to hold my hand over my face to control my incessant giggling). She said that she was sorry to have to call him but that we had gotten into an "altercation" with the MF people, and we were all in jail. She told him that since it was payday, we could make our bail, but they would not release us without a sober, responsible person picking us up. She told him there were now restraining orders against all of us from the MF people. That was when we all collectively lost it and he could hear us laughing! Ann said he was dead serious through the whole thing, just saying , "I see, uh-huh, ok..." I wish we'd had a camera in his office so we could have seen his face!!!!! Don't worry, the decisions as to who will be hired back have already been made- they'll share that with us next month. Have a great weekend!

Feelin' Way Too Damn Good

In life, there are brief moments of real, pure joy. I believe that they are a gift so that we may endure the rest of the shit.

Yesterday at lunch, James and I had a really long, deep conversation. We discussed his progress, we talked about his future (if he doesn't play for the NBA, he wants to be a lawyer). We talked a little about faith (he seems to have a lot of questions, and I suggested he talk with his pastor). We began working on looking people in the eye when he talks, speaking clearly, how to shake hands, and other skills he needs to work on. He asked if he could come in after school to do make-up work. All was well and beautiful with the world. After school, he did not come in. Today he was not in school. His littlest brother, Julius, told me that he and John did not come home last night. I had noticed some behavior changes this past week, but attributed them to his continued illness. He was sleeping in class, and seemed disinterested in his work. Now I'm beginning to wonder...

Drugs are a fact of life. You all know that I am completely aware of the lure of the leafy green refreshment. What I can't figure out is why our lawmakers have not realized the one thing that every one of my kids knows: it's easier to get a joint than a beer if you are under 21. The reason? Because alcohol is regulated. We can track who is purchasing it, and where. Weed is sold EVERYWHERE there are kids (and often adults). One of my girls was expelled this week for selling at school (duh). I am honestly afraid that this is the path James has begun to slide down (at least if it's drugs, I HOPE it's pot and not something much worse).

I won't accept this for him- I can't. I talked with GC today, and if James is at school tomorrow, he'll talk with him. But, we can't be with him 24/7- and that's what scares me. I wish I could shut off this gut-wrenching fear that is consuming me, but I feel a very real, very dark shadow is trying to envelop him, and I don't think that what I'm doing is enough. PLEASE, PLEASE, pray for him. I know that there are more people who visit here than just the 2 or 3 that comment, so if every one of you would pray for him, and ask your friends and family to do the same, it would mean so much to me. I know that most of you don't know the importance of this, but I promise you that this is more urgent than even the situation with T was. (BTW, James is not his real name, so when praying, please focus on what I've told you about him, rather than just the name). His life can not move in this direction, and we MUST stop his backslide. As a teacher, I am used to people paying lip service to the fact that we are underpaid, but consider this your chance to show your support. Thank you.