I Give Up

It seems like forever since I've been here. So many things going on that I feel like the proverbial one legged-man in the ass kicking contest.

First of all, John has worn out my sympathy. He was released on probation with two of the class X felonies being held over his head. He followed the rules for exactly four days. He has refused to go to his community-service work, he's begun sneaking out at night again, and the other day, J found GUNS hidden in the basement. When John goes back (and yes, I am now saying WHEN, not IF), I will not feel sorry for him. Apparently, the time he served wasn't enough to convince him that he doesn't want to be there. He called his grandma, crying every night. But, I guess that wasn't painful enough for him to remember it. I love him, and I am more than happy to help him if he tries to help himself. I will continue to pray that he opens his eyes before it's too late. I will continue to want the best for him. And I will not abandon him when he is finally forced to face the consequences of his actions. But, I am done staying up at night worrying about his choices. I am done driving around at 3am trying to find him. I am done crying when I see him in chains (ok, I'll probably still do that- he's only 15 for God's sake).

I'm worried about J's health. He works outside in this miserable weather, and refuses to take care of himself. He has started drinking more water, but I know he rarely takes a break. Most of the time, his lunch comes back uneaten because he didn't want to stop and take a break. He gets really mad when I tell him he's not 20 any more. I hope he can get on with the district- he's hoping to get a custodian position in the schools. That way, he'd at least be inside most of the time. He just doesn't look as healthy as he used to.

With all of that in the background, I started school last week. My new school is a year-round one, so we'll go for about 9 weeks, then get 3 weeks off. So far, so good (knock wood). I'm now in a K-8 building, so a lot of the rules seem really childish to me, but overall, it's ok. I have 2 sections of 7th grade and 2 of 8th, then a "lab", where kids who are at risk of failing the ISAT come in for whatever help I can offer. There are only 4 kids in the class, because most of them are in math or reading lab.

My classes are pretty small- the largest is 28 kids. The school is brand new, so everything seems so clean and cheerful. This part of the year is so hard, because names are really hard for me to remember. The worst part is that I try to focus on the kid when I say their names, to imprint them in my memory- but the girls are really hard- one day they may have long braids, the next, all the extensions are out and they look completely different. I only have 2 names that I'm having trouble pronouncing this year, so that's a plus.

Ok, I need to get to work on this week's plans. Have a great weekend.