Dark Days

I walked out of my hallway to begin my morning duty, only to find that students were already in the building. Many were eating breakfast, but I felt drawn to the south end, where the boys who aren't eating wait for the bell so they can go to class (the girls are on the north end). I walked about 10 steps, when I was engulfed in an enormous group of boys- maybe 75-100. They were closing in at each other very quickly, and I knew something was up. I saw 3 other teachers (all women- one nearing retirement), and that was it. In my mind, I cursed everyone who wasn't at their duty, but didn't really start to worry. I began calmly asking boys to "move back, please". Someone told me to "shut the fuck up", and I knew we needed assistance because no one in the crowd even noticed. Three of us made a human chain in front of one of the skater kids, whom the rest seemed intent on ripping to shreds, while the older teacher used her cell phone to call the office and ask for help NOW.

The crowd moved in closer, and one of my worst nightmares began. We started physically trying to push the boys back, and about that time, I saw Bill and another male teacher join the scene. I was dragging one boy off another, when he turned around and tried to punch me. Fortunately, I moved quickly enough that all I felt was a strong breeze. I used his momentum to shove the back of his shoulder, and he spun, falling and disappearing into the crowd. I was vaguely aware of the commotion of fights all around me, but at that moment, all I wanted to do was get away. If I could have gotten through the crowd, I would have run like hell and not looked back. Being much shorter than most of them, escape was not an option.

I, along with Angie (another teacher), began trying to separate two boys, she led one off, and I put my hand on the other's shoulder, asking him to head to the office. He pulled back and made a fist as if to hit me, but must have thought better of it. He did tell me to fuck off, along with a string of other comments- all along the same line. I stepped back, and, noticing things dying down a little, asked Bill to keep an eye on him, as I was sure help was on it's way, because we had called almost 10 minutes ago. The kid went at Bill, and he told me to get the detective. I ran to the closest classroom, and pulled the cord for the callbox. I waited, and waited. Finally, I told the substitute that if anyone answered, to tell them we needed urgent assistance. I ran across the hall to my own room, and tried the callbox. Still no answer. In fact, a calm voice began making morning announcements.

Crying with fear and frustration, I ran for the office. Walking at a normal pace, it's about a 3 minute walk. It seemed much longer when I ran. I vaguely remember seeing some of my kids on the way, asking if I was alright. It seems that the rest of the school was oblivious to the chaos in the south wing. I ran into the office, and remember screaming that we needed help, where was the detective? Apparently, he was not at our school that day (we share him with 2 others). The secretaries seemed annoyed that I was there, and said they had sent both the principal and ass principal when we called. About that time, Bill wrestled the kid into the office, and said things were controlled in the south wing. Following him was the other male teacher (also nearing retirement) with two boys, and two female teachers (one smaller than me) each dragging one. We all stared accusingly at the secretaries and asked why our calls weren't answered. They said that the callboxes weren't working (yet, they could make announcements over those same boxes).

This was when both the principal and ass came in, visibly upset, and asked what was wrong. It seems that the secretary who had answered the call on the phone had sent them OUTSIDE. I told my principal that I loved my job and my kids, but if he could not get everyone out there on their morning duty, I was not going to do mine, either. He was so great (this is the real principal, not the ass), and walked me to my homeroom, who had taken attendance and were calmly waiting in their seats! He checked back later, apologizing for the mix-ups, and assuring me that either himself, the ass, or the detective would always be on duty from now on. I asked what procedures were going to be required from the office staff as far as answering the callboxes. He said that he would speak with them, whatever that means.

There were four more fights Thursday, and an incredibly negative vibe running through the school. There were two fights yesterday, and while the feeling was a little better, the energy was still dark. I feel like a giant dark cloud descended over us, and enveloped the school. Apparently, the skater kid whom we were trying to protect had made some white supremacy remarks, which sparked the whole thing. Again, hatred brings about violence.

I don't know what the answers are. All I know is that no matter how hard we try to change the world, it seems like the bad guys are still winning. I've been fighting the battle against racism and hatred for as long as I can remember, but nothing seems to be improving. I allow my students to choose their groups, and they nearly always divide themselves along color lines. The girls are more inclined to work with another race than the boys, but it's still a noticeable difference. So what is the answer? Do I allow them to segregate themselves? Do I continue making decisions about who will work with whom, and keep integrating groups? I am tired. Weary. Every muscle in my body hurts like hell, and I have bruises that I can't account for. My energy, every bit of it, is drained. It may be a little while before I post again.