Tsarina's World

The musings, rants, and general complaints of a schoolteacher in the MidWest. I have no real social life, which sucks for me personally, but makes my dog happy- he is the center of my universe! Come on in, take your shoes off and stay a while... who wants pie and coffee?

Monday, May 29, 2006

I suck

I am depressed. Not "goodbye cruel world" depressed; more "leave me the fuck alone cruel world" depressed. It's not just the miscarriage- I don't think it's any ONE thing, just the constant heaping of everything.

Professionally, this has been a miserably unsuccessful year. I am ashamed to admit that of my 140 (yes the number is ridiculous) students, I really can't stand about 80 of them. I have never been able to earn their respect, and therefore, I have taught them nothing of value. This is a weird class to begin with- a strange mix of overprotected, terrified little churchmice and hardcore DOC (dept. of corrections) alumni. In fact, two of them will be locked up for the next 7 years for assault with intent to kill. You know that never deterred me before, but this year, I haven't been able to get through, and it's frustrating.

In an effort to cheer myself, I have compiled a list of some of the things the kids have said this year. This list reminds me that if the school board ever talks to them, they will demand my pay back.

1. "What's the name of that one country? You know, the one where they like meat... they eat a lot of meat. What is it?" This went on for about 15 minutes before he decided that the name of the COUNTRY where they like meat is TEXAS.

2. "Wasn't the tsunami caused by a big rock falling in the water?" This question took place after an entire class period discussing the causes and effects of major disasters, including tsunamis.

3. "Pompeii was destroyed by that asteroid that killed the dinosaurs". This, after a weeklong mini-unit on Mt.Vesuvius and Pompeii.

4. "So, like, could a hurricane like hurt you if you were like standing outside? Cuz, I mean, like, it's only water". I am embarassed to admit that this question came after three days on hurricanes, including a video with actual footage. This student was present every day, and stayed awake during the video.

5. "What's a hypothesis"? Asked during this LAST week of school... not only did I not teach him what a hypothesis is, obviously his reading teacher didn't do her job, either- he was standing next to a 3 foot poster explaining hypothesis.

6. You won't get skin cancer if you move around a lot while you're outside, because the sun's rays can't keep up with you". I really needed to see a shrink after that

7. I had a parent come in and complain that I was not behaving like a Christian because I told my classes that scientists believe that eventually the sun will enlarge, consuming the inner planets as it begins to die out. Apparently, since this is not mentioned in the Bible, I do not have the right to teach it. I explained that she probably didn't want me teaching my religious beliefs to her child--- and smiled my most evil smile.

8. After watching her classmates jump up and down with excitement, poounding the table and screeching, one student looked up from her work, raised an eyebrow, and said, " While I don't believe that I came from monkeys, THEY really lend credence to that theory".

Three of my kids from last year came in to say hi on Friday. They were talking about how I cried all day the last day of school last year. I truthfully told them that the only way that will happen this Tuesday is if one of the buses dies and can't leave the parking lot.

I've been offered a position at a new school here in town, and I'm taking it. It's brand new and the technology is excellent. I'm excited, but a little disappointed in myself for leaving my ghetto school. The thing is that good principal is leaving, and I can't fathom a year with Ass principal (did I mention that when I called in sick b/c of the miscarriage, he fucking YELLED at me that it's hard for him to find subs this time of the year?)

Ok, I was supposed to be at bf's mom's house an hour ago for a cookout. Remind me to blog about him one of these days- let's just say that while I know he loves me, I seem to keep making many of the same mistakes over and over again.

Peace, love, and happiness.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Many things can go wrong when someone is pregnant. It's not uncommon for someone to miscarry at around 8 weeks. I know that usually when it happens, there was something wrong with the fetus. It's one thing to know all of that in your mind, and another to convince yourself of it. Even in 8 weeks, I had begun to imagine what it would be like...

This is also a time to find out your friends' true character. After Amy had made sure I had everything I needed, she met a bunch of people for a drink. She was really upset by Sue and Jane's comments. You know, things like, "It's really a blessing in disguise", and "Well, they really can't afford a baby anyway". To say that my feelings are hurt is an understatement.

Thanks for your kind words and support- you don't know what it means to me.