Tsarina's World

The musings, rants, and general complaints of a schoolteacher in the MidWest. I have no real social life, which sucks for me personally, but makes my dog happy- he is the center of my universe! Come on in, take your shoes off and stay a while... who wants pie and coffee?

Monday, June 26, 2006

Tsarina's Big City Adventure

Just got back last night from J's family reunion. I have been to Chicago thousands of times, but every time I go with him, I see things I have never imagined. His family is mostly from the south and southwest sides of town. While the south side seems like almost any working class area, the southwest side is like being on a different planet.

Driving down the street, you see people selling EVERYTHING. I can't count the number of people selling snowcones and nachos from their front porches. He asked if I wanted a snowcone, but I didn't see a health department permit displayed, so I passed. Everyone was hustling for a couple of bucks. You could literally buy a soda from the same guy who had new car scent.

It was also interesting, because I think J was seeing the area through my eyes, realizing the sad desperation I saw. He began noticing the trash and the dirty babies everywhere. I think he finally understood why I'm so passionate about getting to the kids when they're younger and showing them other options.

His family reunion was held in a very nice park, and there was tons of food. (Yes, there were greens, but no cornbread, and sadly, no jello). We arrived fairly late, and he was mobbed by people excited to see him. I met his dad for the first time- a really sweet old guy who looks like Papa Smurf with earrings. The boys had a great time playing softball, and I learned how to turn double dutch with the jump rope (although I apparently sucked, as I was replaced with a 9 year old).

Not being close to my own family, it's really hard for me to understand how people feel close to someone simply because they share the same blood lines. I haven't seen most of my cousins in years, and I don't feel that I'm missing out. Truthfully, I have only seen my mom once in the past six months, and I don't miss seeing my parents either. I'll admit I was getting a little testy when we had to go to his uncle's house after the park to spend more time with people I don't know. They herded the kids into the basement, so I had no one really to talk to when J was talking with the men. You see, something I have really begun noticing is that many women are not very welcoming to someone new. His aunts and the older women of that generation were really friendly, but some of his cousins (and most of his sisters) would just stare at me. One cousin came up to me at the reunion while I was talking with his daughter, Jina. I smiled and said hi, but the woman looked me up and down, sucked her teeth loudly and asked Jina what she was doing with "that white thang". Jina told her that I was her stepmom and that she loved me. The woman walked away. I tried to let it go, knowing that the woman was drinking, but it still upset me. Later, when I told J about it, he was angry, but reminded me that he gets that reaction from some white men when we're out together, and that my family doesn't even know about him. He's right.

Probably the coolest thing I saw while I was there was what I called "eBay street". I think it was really Ashland, but eBay fits it better. We parked and walked up and down the street where every store held TONS of stuff at unbelievably low prices. Want a T-shirt? They've got them for $1. Want a pair of socks? How's 3 for $1 sound? Honestly, anything you could imagine you could find there. I understand now why he's so cheap about things- he's used to going places like that and finding the same thing over half off. It was also in a Hispanic neighborhood, so we had incredible tacos and Mexican soda for lunch (under $10 for the two of us, and we couldn't eat it all).

I also enjoyed the time we were stuck in traffic (which was a lot) with the boys. Hearing James and his brothers talk about things they did with their dad when they were growing up was fun. They stayed with their maternal grandma. You'd think that since their mom hadn't seen James or John in over 2 years, she'd rush over to spend time with them, wouldn't you? She spent exactly 90 minutes with them, and seemed put out by that. It broke my heart, because James adores her. John however, announced that he didn't need to see her again. He told me that in the year I've been involved with their family, I've done more for him than she ever has, making me more of a mom to him than her. I didn't know what to say except "I love you too". I will never say a bad word about her in front of them, but what an idiot. She thinks that because she's not on drugs any more, she should get a medal or something. She and J have 6 kids (actually, Jenny isn't his, but he and his family consider her theirs). James is 16, John-15, Josh-14, Jerry-13, Jina-10, and Jenny 8). He has told me that he's not really sure that Jina is his, either because she was sleeping around by then, but that she's his boys sister, so that makes her his daughter. This woman hasn't seen the girls in 3 or 4 years, and didn't even recognize Jenny the last time she saw them. I asked J why he kept having kids with her- to me he is equally to blame. He said that he was stupidly in love with her, and he believed that she wanted to get clean. I guess the final straw was when she left Jenny at the hospital, refusing to even bring her home after her birth. His sister took her and has raised the two girls, while he and his mom kept the boys. He said when she left the baby in the hospital and went out to get high, he knew she didn't love him or their kids, and he left her. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on my mom for her poor parenting skills---- maybe.

Ok, most of the day is shot; now I'm starving and need to go buy groceries. Have a great day.

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