The Apocolypse Will Begin in WalMart...In Aisle 9
Today I had to do two things that are guaranteed to put me in a bad mood: I had to see my mom and I had to go to WalMart. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but being around her drives me nuts. She has absolutely no social skills and insists on saying and doing the most inappropriate things. As for WalMart- well, it is one of my life's necessary evils. After standing in the line for twenty minutes, I couldn't decide which was more annoying; listening to the seemingly endless conversations that the cashier had with everyone ahead of me, or the fact that she refused to even acknowledge my presence.
This steady level of annoyance led me to begin thinking about other things that piss me off (and there are a lot). While most people who know me would tell you that I'm pretty optimistic and don't get really mad about little stuff, they just don't realize because I force myself to let it go. Since this is my blog, and almost noone reads it anyway, I'm going to list some of my biggest pet peeves (in no particular order)
People who insist on carrying on high-decibal cell phone calls in public- Noone gives a fuck that someone is willing to talk to you
Men who insist on flirting and acting single when they have a wife/girlfriend at home- you're willing to risk your girlfriend going Jerry Springer on my unsuspecting ass so you can get a thrill? Asshole.
Women who insist on flirting and acting single when they have a husband/boyfriend at home- don't be so fucking greedy, bitch, leave something for the rest of us
Anyone who, in conversation, whispers the words "black, Mexican, homosexual, etc..." - Trust me, dumbass, the person you are discussing knows that he/she is any of the above, and you're not going to give them a heart attack
Anyone under the influence of anything who insists on calling me on the phone or carrying on extensive conversations with me when I am not under the influence- you suck butt
My dad- 'nuff said
People who use the phrase, "how do you like them apples"?- It's just dumb
Men who pretend to know what's happening under the hood of your car by saying, "It's your alternator". - I once had car trouble, five guys all stood and told me it was the alternator. I kept explaining to them that the engine was turning over ok, but was apparently not getting fuel, so it was probably the fuel pump. They laughed like I was stupid...it was the fuel pump...fuckers
Anyone who believes that other people who have unfortunate circumstances deserve their fate- if everyone got what they deserved in life, little kids would all live like royalty, and the rest of us would have a cardboard box and a tin cup
Ok, I'm feeling better now that I've vented a little of the pent- up hostility boiling inside! I think I'll go do my nails and relax a little. Have a great weekend.
This steady level of annoyance led me to begin thinking about other things that piss me off (and there are a lot). While most people who know me would tell you that I'm pretty optimistic and don't get really mad about little stuff, they just don't realize because I force myself to let it go. Since this is my blog, and almost noone reads it anyway, I'm going to list some of my biggest pet peeves (in no particular order)
People who insist on carrying on high-decibal cell phone calls in public- Noone gives a fuck that someone is willing to talk to you
Men who insist on flirting and acting single when they have a wife/girlfriend at home- you're willing to risk your girlfriend going Jerry Springer on my unsuspecting ass so you can get a thrill? Asshole.
Women who insist on flirting and acting single when they have a husband/boyfriend at home- don't be so fucking greedy, bitch, leave something for the rest of us
Anyone who, in conversation, whispers the words "black, Mexican, homosexual, etc..." - Trust me, dumbass, the person you are discussing knows that he/she is any of the above, and you're not going to give them a heart attack
Anyone under the influence of anything who insists on calling me on the phone or carrying on extensive conversations with me when I am not under the influence- you suck butt
My dad- 'nuff said
People who use the phrase, "how do you like them apples"?- It's just dumb
Men who pretend to know what's happening under the hood of your car by saying, "It's your alternator". - I once had car trouble, five guys all stood and told me it was the alternator. I kept explaining to them that the engine was turning over ok, but was apparently not getting fuel, so it was probably the fuel pump. They laughed like I was stupid...it was the fuel pump...fuckers
Anyone who believes that other people who have unfortunate circumstances deserve their fate- if everyone got what they deserved in life, little kids would all live like royalty, and the rest of us would have a cardboard box and a tin cup
Ok, I'm feeling better now that I've vented a little of the pent- up hostility boiling inside! I think I'll go do my nails and relax a little. Have a great weekend.
posted by Tsarina @ 9:43:00 PM
8 Comments:
At 4:58 AM,
JamDaddy said…
Stay away from Wal-Mart. Get a man even if it is the blow up kind. Pet your dog. Have a drink. Take a shower and wash the uglyness of it all away. Enjoy the weekend.
At 5:07 PM,
Derek said…
I dispise wal-mart. I only go in there now to mess shit up.
the local walmart has suffered many of my sharpie attacks. basically we tear it appart whenever we go in and piss the bitch employees off. Random apple core pocket stuffing is a must.
At 6:39 PM,
Tsarina said…
JD- Finding a man is not as easy as it seems, especially if you have ANY sort of standards. As for the dog and the drink...got it! Mmmm, cheap peach wine :)
Derek- I'm going to talk to you like I would one of my students:
Every time you damage something at WalMart, it causes the company to raise prices, which affects the rest of us. Secondly, the people who work there are not there because it has been their lifelong dream- they need the job, and you harassing them just makes their days harder. I expect better from you, young man, do you hear me???? Have a good weekend, and avoid WalMart!
At 6:46 PM,
Traci Dolan said…
So, when I turn the key nothing happens.... and then I'll turn it again and the engine will turn over a little... and I'll turn it again and the engine will catch... is this the alternator???
I'm being serious.
At 6:53 PM,
JamDaddy said…
Derek you bad boy, lol. I have worked at a Wal-Mart each time I bought a new home. I work in the garden department because they love people with brains who work. They let me stay outside with the plants and I get to take the broken bags of mulch home along with what they think are dead plants. Not company policy but they throw great stuff away (check the dumpsters). My paycheck goes to company stock and I am a happy boy. Once the yard looks good I quit. I hate shopping there so I avoid the masses at all costs. It has been a while but I have fond memories of the nice employees. The nasty ones we tried to get fired.
At 12:34 AM,
Tsarina said…
Inanna- I'm not a mechanic, but I HAVE driven a plethora of shitty cars in my life. My experience with alternators is that they just go out-no warning. Do you hear kind of a grinding sound when you turn the key? That would probably be the starter...on the other hand, wtf do I know, I've just finished my 3rd bottle of wine ;)
At 8:33 PM,
JamDaddy said…
Not bad diagnostics on the starter. Sometimes it can be even easier like dirty battery terminals. When in doubt check the simple and cheap things. Poor connection equals poor starter performance because you can't get enough current to turn over the engine. Your could almost teach shop next year Tsarina.
At 12:34 AM,
Derek said…
(check the dumpsters)
Definitely, we've found some awesome stuff in there.
These ones that work there, I'm not talking teens or single parent monthers here. I'm talking bitch old ladies that leave end drive home some fancy car. Jobs by bordom or a little extra cash.
They are just bitter old bastards. Even when we used to be nice in wal-mart they would give us a hard time. Watching us like hawks, asking us to leave for no reason. Shit like that, So we just thought we'd actaully do stuff to justity them being massive bitches. Maybe they sleep better, I just laugh at them.
And if it raises prices, so be it. Maybe people will avoid it then and search cheeper deals at the few family run companies that are barely making it by because cookie cutter cock sucker walmart crushed them out with their sweat shop low prices.
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