Updates and Thanks

Today I checked my email and found the nicest message from Robyn. I was starting to answer, when I realized it would make more sense to post here, since others may wonder how things were going for my guys. Here is part of her original message, and my response:

"Cards need to be send to Darin and Andrew from the kids. Maybe you could get them to do care packages for each of the boys. The same for T if it comes to that. Let those things be a group good deed to help the journals along.Talk about the choices they made and why it will be hard for them. Talk about the lasting effects these have. Help these boys who have fallen down a little teach the other kids a lesson and maybe save them from the same choices. Ask Andrew and Darin if they would like to write a letter to the class what about what happened and what its like where they are so they can see that you still value them. It also gives them a chance to do something helpful in their own eyes. You know the "Your mistake might save another" sort of thing.They need to know as you do that wisdom comes from experience Tsarina and even if these were very bad choices they have gained some of that valuable wisdom they will need in the future. They need to see that you recognise that. I get the feeling that for these kids, in their eyes, you are their ONLY supporter. I know it is hard but please do not give up on tem find a way to let them know they still matter".

Robyn, Thanks so much for your kind words and positive suggestions. We will be sending cards to Andrew. I explained his situation to the kids (obviously omitting the abuse), and they began to express great feelings of guilt for their behavior. They have learned a powerful lesson about the effects words can have. We discussed that if harsh words could have such a negative effect, maybe apologies from those who feel compelled to write them would have an equally uplifting effect- I hope so.

Darin is not allowed to receive mail from anyone outside his immediate family. I spoke with his grandma, who said she would ask if I could write to him. He told her to apologize to me for representing me badly (my homeroom is often reminded that we all represent each other, so we need to be conscious of our behavior)--this is the kid who robbed a guy at gunpoint? I still don't get it.

T. will definitely be going to juvenile detention in almost two weeks. He will be gone for four months. The kids will have no interest in writing to him, nor will he want to hear from most of them. He is enough older than them that there is only one kid he talks with. He is rather like a piece of furniture to the other kids, and he prefers it that way most of the time. Sometimes I can get him to participate, but most often, he'd rather sit and work alone.

I don't remember if I've ever explained the full extent of my concern for T... when I was in middle school, one of my friends, Stevie, was arrested for stealing bikes. His drunken, ignorant crackwhore mom told the authorities to take him away because she was sick of him. They sent him to St.Charles (if you've ever seen the Sean Penn movie, "Bad Boys", it was filmed there). He spent 7th-8th grades there. When he got out, he was HUGE- like all he had done was lift weights all day. He also had a new LK tattoo (Latin Kings), and a bad attitude- except with me. We were pretty good friends for the whole summer before he told me that he liked me. Strange, because all of the girls were hot for him, but I could not think of him like that. We continued with our friendship- he even bought me this really lovely crystal shotglass I had admired once...doesn't sound like much, but it was such a spontaneous gesture of affection that it ranks as one of my favorite gifts ever. Eventually, he dropped out of school, and moved in with his drunken abusive dad. We lost touch- I was getting tired of his growing addiction on drugs and alcohol. A couple of years later, I picked up a newspaper to see a picture of a car that had slammed into a culvert. Stevie had stolen it and been driving at ridiculous speeds when he crashed. Something in T has touched a nerve- he reminds me of Stevie sometimes- the gentle humor that shows through at the most unlikely moments, the need to act tough, but when I hug him, he's like a little kid that isn't quite ready to let go; even his handwriting looks very much the same. I feel like I've failed not only T, but I've failed Stevie again.

I do realize that we each have our own path to walk down, and that the lessons we must learn are often painful. I am hopeful that on their journeys, these kids feel that my presence was of some comfort. I hope that they will each grow to realize that if I could care this much for them, they must have some intrinsic value. I hope that these lessons they are learning now will help them to guide others later in their lives.

I'm going to end this with a positive story about James. We were talking in class about computer skills they will need for high school and college. James asked if you had to be smart to go to college. I told him, no, that was not as important as hard work and determination. He stayed after class to ask me if I thought he would be able to go to college. He said that he had never thought about it before this year, but he was starting to consider it... he said he now thinks that he can do anything if he tries hard enough. I couldn't do anything but hug him-- I needed to hear that. *Focus on the positive, Tsarina, focus on the positive* Hugs to all!