Choices

We all have choices to make in life. Some we make well, others we call "learning experiences". I always tell the kids that we all make bad choices, but the important thing is that we learn from them and don't repeat them. God knows I have made some really terrible choices in my life- things that I still cringe to think about. On Friday, I found out about 3 extremely bad choices my kids have made that have broken my heart. While I understand WHY they made these choices, I want more for them.

Marcus is going to be a father. While this happens all the time, I didn't expect it from him. (not that I didn't think he was having sex, but they make fun of people who don't use condoms, so I assumed he was using one). Marcus had a future- had. His mom is strong and supportive, and I have no doubt she will make him step up to the plate and take responsibility. He will probably enter high school as a half-day student, working at McDonald's the other half. He will probably find easier ways to make money, and drop out of school. Marcus is a very bright, and extremely good looking kid. We teachers had talked among ourselves that he could easily pay for college with modelling jobs. While I will continue to hope that he is able to recover from this, I am saddened by the direction this one decision will take him.

Andrew will not be coming back to school. He is in the psych ward after a major suicide attempt. Andrew was sexually abused by a man at their church four years ago. The other kids tend to make fun of him because he is usually dressed in Goodwill rejects, and he needs to brush his teeth. We had talked to our students about making fun of him, and for the most part, they have stopped, but there are 700 other kids in the school who don't care what we think. When he gets out of the hospital, he will go to another school. I hate the man who did this to him. I hate the justice system that let him go after serving six months. Andrew is an annoying kid- he's just too needy- needy for my time, attention, love, everything a kid can need. But, annoying or not- he's one of mine, and I love him. He sent me a letter from the hospital telling me that I was the only teacher who has ever been really nice to him, and he's sorry for disrupting my class so much- of course I cried. I hope he does not make this choice again.

Darin was in my homeroom. He's the stereotypical "likeable, chubby kid". He has always been a model student in my room. He's Hell on wheels for everyone else. He's been suspended off and on for much of the last nine weeks. I never understand when other teachers tell me about his behavior, because he's always been polite and respectful to me. His younger brother has been in a lot of legal trouble for burglarizing houses. Darin and I have talked about learning from his brother's mistakes, and I honestly had no fear that he would choose to follow that path. Yesterday I got a drop notice for Darin. I went to the office to inquire why and was told that he is in jail. Somehow, he and his brother got ahold of a gun, and in the process of robbing a guy, the guy resisted, and Darin hit him in the head with the butt of the gun. The guy will be ok, but they want to try him as an adult. It's a violent crime, and he's 15- almost 16. I simply cannot reconcile the smiling, helpful child in my class, who apologized for not knowing an answer when the Ass principal was in the room evaluating me, with an angry young man who would hit someone in the head to get twenty bucks.

Let's top all of this off with the fact that the state is trying to send T to jail for six months for the car stereo. Why don't they mandate counseling for these kids before they just lock them up? The first time they get in trouble. Even the second, if it's not violent-- MANDATORY COUNSELING.

I don't know what the answers are here, all I know is that I'm disappointed in each of them. Like I said, I understand their choices, but I expect more from them. There is a saying in Middle School Education that we do not see the fruits of our labor- we are simply throwing the seeds down, and hopefully they will take root and grow one day. This, like JamDaddy's wine analogy are about the only things that are helping me get moving this morning- thanks JD.

I will get up tomorrow and put on a smile and welcome my remaining kids to the start of a new week. I will hug them and pat them on the back. I will continue to hold them to a high standard. I will continue to expect the best from them. I know that sometimes I will be disappointed in them, and that they will feel bad when they disappoint me. I know that sometimes I will be so proud of them I want to burst, and they will see that pride written on my face. I know I will get up next year and begin this whole process over again. I know that there are people like my dad in the world who don't understand why teachers complain about being underpaid- "All you have to do is tell them to read a book, and you get summers off". I know there are people like you who do understand that we don't make enough (I'm legally slightly above poverty level). I know that even if I didn't receive a paycheck, I'd still go to work and do my job- because, at the end of the day, no matter how hurt I am, I know--- I am making a difference to someone. Thanks for listening- have a great week!