Seeking Single Tsar...

Ok, that last piece was just too damn negative-- I do not want to focus on that. My family sucks, let's move on.

I will be unable to go to Chicago for the weekend and see some friends, as I can't find anyone willing to watch Baxter. Bill said he could put him IN THE BARN!!!! I tried to explain that you have to let him sleep on the bed with you, and when he has bad dreams, gently rub his tummy and tell him it's ok. Bill looked at me like I had just sprouted a second head! My friend who usually watches him is very pregnant, with a 1 1/2 year old, so I didn't want to ask. Oh, well, to be honest, I hate New Year's Eve. I've never had a good time...ever. My ex would usually get drunk (even when we stayed home alone), and when he was drunk, he thought he was some sort of philosopher...blah!

*Attention: the following piece contains adult euphemisms and innuendos... if that embarasses you, take the post out of your ass, then slide it back in, then take it out, then slide it back in...

However, I have begun to notice something disturbing: Her Highness is growing...um, restless... In other words, I NEED A FREAKING MAN!! When I was younger, I never had a problem getting laid- all I had to do was say, "Hi", and there were three cute men right there. I'm not asking for perfection, in fact, perfect men make me nervous. I have compiled a short list of what I'm looking for- I don't think these are too much to ask...

1. I'm short, and don't often wear heels, so between 5'7"-5'10" is perfect.
2. My body is not perfect, I don't expect yours to be either, but if your belly hangs out under your t-shirt (which is past your hips), please do not expect to have sex with me.
3. Bathe frequently, but DO NOT drift into the "high maintence" category
4. Have something intelligent to say- while I am not really looking for a lifetime commitment, I do like to have a conversation now and then-- dumb guys really turn me off
5. I honestly don't care what your job is, so long as you take pride in doing it well
6. Compassion for others is a must- if you don't have it, you're not going to get it.
7. SENSE OF HUMOR- 'nuff said
8. How can I put this delicately-- pigment is a plus. The paler you are, the more personality you need to have for me to be attracted to you.
9. Be prepared to take the oral exam if you plan to receive it in return.
10. Do not be cheap with your money, your time, or your manly talents.

Ok, that's all I can think of right now-I'm sure I have other standards, but right now, I can't think of much besides- "breathing, and has a penis"... Have a good night everyone!