How I Spent My Summer Vacation

It's summer, people. While I know that most of you have jobs that are not affected by the seasons, I DO. Summer is my time to "relax" (you know, set up my classroom, work on lesson plans, locate resources, things like that). So, when the phone rang at 7:30 this morning, I was less than pleased. Looking at the caller ID, I realized it was the number for a former student, so I answered it. Mrs. Studentmom says, "Hello, Ms. Tsarina?" (these are not the real names, btw). Me: "Yes, may I help you?" no coffee makes Tsarina very uncreative!  Mom: "I'm really sorry to bother you, Ms. Tsarina, but you were my daughter, Bratty's teacher last year; do you remember her?" Let's see, pretty girl, dark hair, low-cut tank tops and thong peeking over the top of her 14 year-old's super low-rise jeans? Yeah, I think, I remember her.  I actually liked this girl, but got sick of giving her a sweatshirt to put on because her clothes violated dress code. Oh, yeah, and she has a 17 year-old boyfriend that her mom has no problem with.  Mom:  "Well, you see, um, the thing is, ahhhhh". Fucking spit it out! Mom: "Well, last night, I uh, well, I caught Bratty and Dickwad (the boyfriend) having sex! I never expected anything like that!" Ah, ignorance is bliss! Mom: "Well, Ms. Tsarina, I raised Bratty to be a good girl" (try not to laugh) "well, you see, she won't listen to me; she thinks I don't understand her. But, she said that you would be fair, so I was wondering if you would have a talk with her about, well, you know, S-E-X" (yup, she spelled it out). Ok, now I am trained to teach sex-ed, but to be honest, I have never had to do it, and I'm glad, because I'm still fairly immature myself, and tend to giggle when I'm uncomfortable. On top of that, most 14 year-olds probably know more than I do! So, just what exactly is she asking me to do? I ask for more clarification. She says, " Bratty has locked herself in her room and won't come out." I tried that once-ONCE- my dad took the hinges off the door and beat my ass! "She says she loves Dickwad and wants to move in with him".  Fucking tell her NO... why don't parents set limits any more? Mom continues, " But, she said she'd listen to you if you'd talk to her. Will you talk to her?" So, I agreed that I'd go over tonight and chat with Bratty. In the meantime, I asked her mom to tell her to pick up the phone, which she did. Me: "Bratty?" Bratty: "HI, Ms. Tsarina! I miss you so much! My mom is overreacting, but will you come over and talk to her?" Me: "Bratty, I am going to come over tonight. For right now, I want you to come out of your room". Bratty: " I don't want to talk to HER". Me (annoyed): "Bratty, I DO NOT give one single crap what you want at the moment. Open that damn door, tell your mother you are sorry that you hurt her, and spend today thinking about what you want to say this evening when we talk. Write an outline, that is an order." Bratty came out of her room and apologized to her mom. When we hung up, they were going to eat breakfast. GOOD MORNING, EVERYONE!