Holiday Traditions

Ah, the celebration of our nation's birth... what would it be without a trip to the emergency room? Fortunately, this year's visit had nothing to do with alcohol or fireworks, which I believe is a first for our Family Fourth Celebration! One of my nephew's friends had a minor injury (ok, he was running away from a lit firecracker, but it still doesn't count as firework-related). One of my uncles (who is obviously nuts) makes fireworks... yes, I said MAKES them. Real ones- he actually has a license to do this, but it's frightening nonetheless. Remember the scene in Willy Wonka when they're in the boat and images are flashing like crazy and Gene Wilder's eyes are all crazy?? THAT is my uncle who makes fireworks. Well, imagine combining that "creative genius" along with 10-20 other testosterone-driven men fueled with Budweiser, and you have an idea of what our usual ER visits entail. Me: "Hi, Kelly, they made you work the Fourth again?" Nurse: "Well I wouldn't want to miss your annual visit! What have we got?" Me: "Drunk idiot with burns in groin from dropping a cigarette spark on firecrackers in his lap" (this was a real conversation, people). Nurse: "Sir, how much have you had to drink?" Uncle: "huh? I drdn't shilly drnk much". Nurse: "I understand. If you want to wait for him in the staff lounge, there's cake, help yourself- you remember where the staff lounge is?" Me: *sigh* "yeah, I remember. Thanks, Kelly".