Ups and Downs

I guess that by now, I should be used to the fact that life never hands you a golden egg without letting the goose shit on your head. Yesterday was a great day for me professionally; I GOT A JOB! In fact, I got THE job- the one I was so desperate for. I emailed everyone I know to give them the good news, and while I was online, I messaged a former student with whom I chat frequently. The first thing I noticed was that his Buddy Icon shows a girl kissing a gun, and says "I hate myself"... red flag. In talking with him, he was obviously very depressed. This is the kid with the incredibly screwed up homelife that I mentioned before. I finally asked him if he was considering suicide. He said he had tried it before, but he was "a pussy, and it hurt". I am still crying as I write this; he is SUCH a great kid; he's smart and funny, but he really got the shaft when God gave out families. Apparently, his mom found out about the previous attempts and, are you ready, SHE GROUNDED HIM! I called everyone I know, and even a few organizations who are supposed to be helpful in this, but was told that no one could really help. It seems that he falls through every minute crack in our system. I know that he is begging me to help him, but I don't know what to do. If I could, I would just drive up to their shack and tell his mom that I'm bringing him home, and I'll be back for his sister, too. I know that's not a real solution, but I am so torn up by this. I realize that as a "professional", I am supposed to maintain some distance from my students, but there are always a couple who really need to connect on a personal level with an adult, and I'm happy if I can help. I tried to talk to him today, but just got a couple of one-word answers out of him before he had to go. I'm going to be in the town he lives in on Friday and asked if he'd like to meet me in the park for lunch (I always meet the kids in a public place like that- too many sickos have made every teacher/student interaction seem sordid). I met him there a couple of weeks ago, and we had a great time. He said he would, so I'm hoping for the best.

Oftentimes, I think it's easier to withstand our own pain than that of someone we care for. I can't stand to watch someone I love suffer, especially when the situation is completely out of their control. One of my students wrote something once, she may have been copying song lyrics, I don't know. It said something about 'I wish I could shrink and climb through your skin to eat the pain that's destroying you.' I always thought that was really beautiful and haunting. Don't ever tell me that teenagers don't really think about anything.