Beginnings

There is something liberating about doing absolutely nothing all day. Just sitting on my patio with a book and a soda, watching my neighbors mow and trim and paint. I know they are all wondering why I'm not working on scraping and painting; they probably think I'm lazy. Quite frankly, My Dear... I feel that I have earned, yes EARNED this respite, and no one is going to make me feel bad. I just realized that the one-year anniversary of Joe's departure passed by without my noticing, so I am enjoying this solitude now. While I still harbor a LOT of anger about how he left (in the middle of the night), and the fact that he 'borrowed' a shitload of money beforehand, I feel so... relieved. It's sad that after five years, I have not missed him once: I have definitely missed his income, but not him, and not that fucking bird of his. My friend, Diana, was asking why we had stayed together for so long, and my explanation sounded so lame. He needed me. I did his laundry and fixed his meals. I arranged doctor's appointments and sent flowers to his mom for her birthday. I was his cheerleader, his maid, and the person who silently accepted all of the criticism and insults he wanted to hurl. Until one day... The Day I Yelled Back! He was completely unprepared for that- he thought that if he moved out, I would be lost and apologize for my behavior. Then he would move back, and things would go back to "normal". The only thing is, I didn't grovel, I calmly asked him to sign over the house to me (we had just bought it, and I made the first payment), told him I was keeping the dog, and wished him the best. Yes, my friends, I behaved in a relatively dignified manner, even arranging for my brother-in-law to help move the rest of his stuff out (of course, that was before I realized he was never going to pay me back). He went nuts when he realized that things were not following his plan: he has some emotional problems that he's supposed to take medication for, and I think he screwed up his meds (I wasn't there to set them out for him). The neighbors and police have kept a close eye on me, for which I'll always be grateful.

But now, my friends, I think it's time to move on. Time to meet new people, and DEFINITELY time to have sex again! I've gone on one date, with someone I met online. He was beautiful, but did things like use the word 'fuck' loudly in public. I mean, I can and do swear like a sailor, but not in front of strangers. It's called common courtesy. So, where exactly do I meet men? I know, I'll be starting a new job, but, quite frankly, most teachers are stuffy and boring (see post 'crack and gum'). Joe was the guy everyone thought I SHOULD like, and we see where that got me. Is it too much to ask for an intellectual tattooed biker that plays the drums? Someone with dredlocks who reads and has a social conscience? Maybe so, and that's ok. I think it's important to have an idea what you are looking for (intellectual, social conscience are prerequisites, while the dreds and the drums are just suggestions). In the meantime, friends, today is a day of celebration! Take a minute out of your life and smile. Smile because you didn't get stuck in traffic. Smile because you saw a cute baby. Or, if nothing else, smile because I am feeling finally feeling good about myself again.